Like a Cat

Okay, hear me out. I only just now figured out why people give me weird looks when I tell them this.

Sometimes I find it helpful to view myself as a cat.

I don’t mean in like the “I’m a furry” way (though I may have some inclinations 😏). No, no, I mean in like a metaphor / self care sense. Like, treat yourself as if you were your own pet cat.

I’m not making it sound less weird yet, am I?

Okay, for example. Story time:

My cat, Ryka, is a bored and lonely cat. Understimulated and cooped up inside alone for most of the day. Toys are boring. Human plays games with her, but no where near as much as she wants. Bugs aren’t even entertaining enough to kill or eat (much to her owner’s chagrin).

One day, I, Human, ask if Ryka wants to go outside. Ryka’s not sure what she wants and she’s not entirely sure if Human means the nice, safe, slightly boring balcony or the interesting, slightly chaotic, and slightly boring hallway (that requires the cumbersome harness that Ryka hates) OR if Human means the outside, which is a big, wide, scary world that is not part of Ryka’s territory…yet?

Human goes outside and sits on balcony.

Gasp? Without Ryka? Ryka meows and paws at the door. Human lets her onto the balcony.

Hmm, Ryka thinks. Okay, yeah. I guess this is nice. The birds are louder and the air is different and the outside is kind of all around me. I’ll sit in my kennel bed and—Oh my litter, what is Human doing with…the Not-Cat? The…dog? There is a dog at the same height as me near the balcony?! Human is letting it lick her and—oh, hmm…letting me snIFF HER LICKED HAND? Ryka hisses at the dog. GET OFF. GO AWAY.

The dog leaves. Ryka starts after it, but stops before fully leaving her kennel.

I…was thinking about going and beating him up, but he’s too far away now and huh…I guess I’ll check out what’s new with the balcony while I’m here.

Later on, we are inside again and Ryka is bored of play time, but not out of energy. She’s giving Human some mixed signs, and Human decides to put the Bad News Harness on her. Bad News as in, Human is probably about to make Ryka leave the apartment and go on a “walk.” >.> This isn’t the first time Human has done some sneaky and tricky things to get the harness on Ryka, but Ryka isn’t entirely sure what she wants to do about it. Maybe she kinda wants to “Go on a Walk,” which seems to mean the interesting, scary, and also somehow boring hallway and/or the big, wide, scary outside scenario from earlier.

Ryka walks toward the door to the hallway and Human picks her up to open the door.

. . .

Okay, the hallway is nice right now, Ryka thinks as she walks down the hall. I haven’t seen this door over here for a little bit.

Ryka sniffs a door down the hall from her apartment. Jingling keys get louder, closer from the other side of the door. The door opens. Ryka starts to bolt back to her apartment, but Human catches her and holds her while they watch a man leave his apartment. Human and strange man say a few friendly sounding things to each other. Man is gone.

Human carries Ryka toward the door strange man left through—the outside. Ryka tenses up and resists. Human goes back and carries Ryka toward a door at other end of hallway. This door leads to the same outside that Ryka can see from their balcony.

Okay, Human. I’ll allow this direction…for now.

They go outside. Ryka lets Human carry her in a somewhat unfamiliar direction. Loud noises vibrate violently. The sky is endlessly high. Are there birds? Predators? In that tree? Down that sidewalk? Ryka watches the world with big eyes, but doesn’t squirm nor get tense as Human carries her somewhere and back until they get close to the familiar door that leads back inside the hallway.

Human puts Ryka on the ground several feet away from the familiar door. Ryka keeps her belly low as she finishes the walk toward the door. Human picks Ryka up to open the door, but then—strange man returns! In the hallway! Carrying a bag of stuff toward the door. Our outside door.

Human steps back to let man leave first. Man opens the door and asks Human if she wants to go inside. Human puts Ryka on the ground and asks if she wants to go inside (with strange but friendly man holding the door). Ryka walks toward and past a stranger for the first time, entering the building.

Ryka enjoys the hallway for a little and then leaps up the stairs toward her apartment door. Finally, the walk is over and it is time to go ins—the door across from Ryka’s door opens. Three humans: Two female adults and one oddly tiny human girl see Ryka and Human crouched at Human and Ryka’s door.

“¡Mira! ¡Gatito!” the first adult says.

Human pets Ryka and steadies her on the ground with a reassuring hand on Ryka’s back. Ryka’s muscles slowly lose their tension and she carefully steps around Human to inspect the unknown females and their tiny human.

“Mmm, y curioso,” Human chuckles to the humans saying “Aw, ¡gatito!”

Ryka sniffs the closest adult’s fingers and both Ryka and the little girl slowly approach each other. The closest adult pets Ryka gently on the head and Ryka allows one pet. The second head pet earns a warning head twitch and all four humans disengage. Human opens their door and lets Ryka go inside and finally take the harness off.

Ryka gets many pets from Human inside and a few treats and some extra brushes with Ryka’s favorite new brush, all accompanied with many sounds of “Good girl” and “Good job” from Human.

While Human brushes Ryka, Human thinks about how these experiences might help color Ryka’s dreams. She is hopeful that these experiences help Ryka to feel fulfilled and not bored or depressed about life as a single cat. Even though they weren’t all good (the dog was not appreciated, and everything else was sketchy at best), they were all things that happened as opposed to the mundanity of staying inside.

Human smiles as Ryka stretches and purrs into the brushstrokes. “You had some experiences today. That’s living!” Then she thinks about how scared Ryka had been in each situation. The unknown had swirled around the “gatito” until it left her here, safe and unharmed in this moment. Human whispers gently to Ryka, “And you were okay. And you were okay.”

Human’s smile grows tight as she says this. Tears prick her eyes as she imagines her God saying those exact words to her.

Her day before coming home to Ryka was filled with some strife of its own. The apartment managers had called her before she left for work about a mystery bill that she hadn’t paid yet. There was a mistake with the electric company and Human wasn’t sure whether it was her fault or theirs, but she was sure she’d have to cover the extra cost either way. A cost that she didn’t have worked into her budget. She’d faced problems the previous week as well. Finances. Dissatisfaction with parts of her life. Potential barriers rising within paths to her hoped-for future plans.

But in that moment, she was safe and still had her basic necessities. She wondered if she was like a pet cat to her God sometimes…

When we go out into the wide world, we get to experience life. A loving, responsible owner, may allow us to experience scary things that we do not trust, but that protecting owner is never more than a few steps away and always within sight.

I’ve been worried about certain things lately. A major problem that started in 2016 and worsened in 2020 is my faltering ability to trust…God, myself, others… I witnessed a friend’s faith recently that showed even if certain important things fell apart around her, she trusted that her community and God would catch her. I have envy for that kind of faith these days.

As I brushed my cat and saw her evening as a metaphor for my life, I felt comforted. How can I be a guardian like this for her and not allow that something like that might exist for me? My words to her accurately applied to my life too. I was stressed and unsure of my future, but in that moment, I was okay. The core of existence—life—hugged me and said, “You’ve had some experiences lately. That’s life! You’re living! And you are okay.”

So, yeah. Sometimes it’s helpful to view yourself like a pet that needs stimulation and reassurance. Or a plant that needs water and sunlight. Or a child that needs guidance and forgiveness. All parts of you need love and care. If you don’t know whether or not others can give you those things, you can at least begin to give them to yourself. Water yourself. Reassure yourself. Forgive yourself.

Things may be scary and sometimes it may seem like you’ll never make it out of a situation. But often, in the end, you’ll find that you are okay.

You are okay.

❤